Moving on..

This battle between my mind and heart

This time I let my mind win again 

There’s nothing left in this picture 

You said you are different 

You made the illusion of perfect ending

I thought you were my happily ever after 

I felt the need to be some one I am not

You altered my very core 

You in your essence made me loose my own

You even made my tears to dry up in my eyes 

I always loved the idea of being us

People judged me for my lack of attention 

I lost my dreams just to catch you 

I lost my self just to match you

I trusted you blindly even shared my darkest secrets 

I not only gave a piece but my whole heart 

In every turn in every fight I was the guilty one

I guess I was nothing but naïve

And now when I have opened my eyes

I am lost in this midst

I now see that I am in a different cage

Where I have to beg hard to breathe 

I thought you were my one and only

But now I realized that you loved my idea

And when ever I raised my voice

You simple just torn me in half

And now it’s a no more trying 

I am done with your tantrums 

I am not happy but I will be at peace at least 

I will find my way 

I will be strong enough to move

And now my darling, I am moving on.. 

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Purer

I had a beating heart in my chest 

That longed to see love at fullest
I had a shining soul in me 

That had bigger waves than the sea
I had more bigger dreams in my eyes

To want to conquer the skies
I was as naïve as the little bird

Didn’t know what was wrong with being in dirt 
But then you came to happen 

And all my wishes seemed to be relished 
With you I was high above from the skies

The feels and the tease you bring with smiles 
I was in love with each piece of you

You showed me what I was missing before 
You tend to complete me with a sense

You made my fantasies a reality
All of the impossibilities seemed possible

With you darling I truly blossomed 
You made me feel like one and only

Your eyes made me feel like a beauty
But little did I know

It was only for the show
With littlest of the things

My realities came crashing down
I fell so hard from the stage 

Yet you didn’t even try to catch
I lost all my hopes and my dreams

Just to be there for your insecurities 
You made me the way I am now

Cold, silent, bitter, with taste sour
I now long to see that shine in my eyes

You stole my innocence I always had in past years
And in all that abscess 

Still I managed to smile in this stress
But standing all bare in front of the mirror

All I see is the broken woman

Just a little more purer than before… 

Sad..

You seem to care a lot 

You seem to trust a lot

You seem to love a lot 

You also seem loyal a lot
But is it inaccurate to not feel sometimes? 

Is it inadequate to feel suffocated at times? 

Is it inappropriate to shut down doors for awhile?

Or is it not in my hands for me to love you alike?
I know I sometimes don’t do justice 

But do tell me if it’s suffice

I suffer from deep cut scars

It’s not easy to make me a star
I don’t follow the rules and regulations 

I think about everything with prospection

I feel every single rhythm of my depression 

And I am quite familiar with this repression  
Oh darling! You don’t need to be this mad

It’s everything I’ve ever had 

You entire presence makes me want to jump to cloud nine 

At least I believe you don’t judge me for being a little sad.. 

You…

Like waves to and fro

Our relation is in its high and low

You seem like you care

Looking at our fingers locked

I seem to be lost 

Like a little puppy in frost 

Yet you seem you know

In all the rules you formed

Now forcing me to follow

Changing me to become hollow

But still I think you care

And I think you know

Of all the ruins of my soul

And I think you have seen 

The battle wounds I carry 

And in spite of all to and fro 

I seem to believe in you 

Because of the spark in you 

And the kindness in you 

I seem to be in love with you

Because it’s simply just you..

He thinks he know…

He wishes to see her smile 

He wishes to hear her laugh

He longs to see the shine in her heart

That reflect through her eyes 

He thinks he can do wonders 

He thinks he can change her

He thinks he know the pain she endure

He thinks he can cure

Little does he know it can take a miracle 

For her to cure and pure

From her pain and her thoughts 

Little does he know she can’t be managed 

Like a broken piece that’s daunted…

Obscenity 

It’s all in haze

The fear and the chase

Some love to be tamed 

Some love to believe 

Some lives on faith

Some strive for pride

Some long for life 

To be healthy and strong 

Some hide in the maze 

To hide feelings and desire

Some love to observe 

All the obscenities of the world

Peculiar..

She knew that life is an up and down road. Sometimes it’s an upward hill that takes efforts from every single cell of your body to reach up to that highest peak point of life but sometimes it’s just an easy slide down to the lowest point where she always have to pick each shattered piece of herself up by her own self because sometimes it’s just you and your own self to help you out. 

But in this struggle and fight for survival, there comes some certain injuries and holes of bullet that can’t be handled or fixed by mere stitches or bandages which later becomes horrendous looking scars. These scars are easy to hide and easy to heal when it happens to be on body. But when these scars happen to be at heart or worse, on soul, it just become impossibly hard to get over the pain and move on. 

She knew that it’s illogical and injustice to her own self to dwell in past. But sometimes it just take one tick or one second to click that switch on or which floods back bringing all the pain of that wound back, like a certain smell or certain moment or a specific voice. 

No, she doesn’t have experienced any heartache that’s been usually caused by love. She’s been hurt and wounded from life itself. And after each and single knock down she looked up dusted her pants and moved on. Bleeding or oozing. 

Till this day, all the wounds and injuries she has endured in her self are well hidden by her smile. All the emotional turmoil has been sucked up and dried up by her pillows. And on this day, she stands with her head held high in the air declaring that she’s strong. 

Strong enough to move past on. Strong enough to get up daily and smile. Strong enough to conquer those dwelling thoughts that lead her to the edge of the hill. Strong enough to step down and cherish what she has today. Strong enough to hold others with her self. Strong enough to help others to heal wounds of them. Strong enough to believe in love and magic. Strong enough to dream of her future. 
Strong enough to conquer her depression and life ending thoughts… She knows that she’s the one and only piece made. She knows that she’s different and her uniqueness has no bounds.. 

She’s peculiar…

Brown-haired girl

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She seems a simple brown-haired girl with some average looks but still he wants to know what she thinks about. Why she is lost in the middle of the crowd. Biting her lower lip. Eyes looming in the space. He always wonders what goes in that pretty head of her. 

He always questions that is she happy with him or is she not content with what he offer. He always sees how she forms her own little world around her self. How she isolates herself even from him.

He thought that he is closest one to her heart. He thought that he could read her all of the expressions of her, feelings of her. But with time he realized he always end up meeting another wall that stands between him and her heart. He found that she hides her feeling with expertise which make him insecure and agitated.

He always asks her about her thoughts to which as a reply she smiles the sweetest smile she could ever put on and shrug saying I also don’t exactly know. 

She’s an abstract painting. He realized with time that on the exterior she is cold, numb and distant like a moon but on the inside, she is one warm, dulcet and glisten like a chocolate or like a sun. Her light shines in her heart, reflects in her eyes. Her melancholy personality is mere a shell to retain her heart and her soul from different blow coming from the outer world.

She doesn’t say much but when she speaks it’s like a mellifluous tune playing itself. She has that aura that illuminate dark alley ways. He is now determined of all things she is, which can’t be categorized or can be theorized with the use of some scant words or with sketch of her looks. It can be skimpy and grievous attempt which will simply do injustice to her.

In the contemporary, he now understands that she is something else, beyond words, beyond all the good thoughts and acts which can be done at a time. She is the girl that burns so brightly, intimately and can light the whole sky by just her smile.. She is a simple brown-haired girl..

They say..

They say they’ll stay

Through thick n thin

They say they’ll pray

For better mind n health

They say they’ll try
To mold and make better  

They say they’ll grow

To be someone they know 

They say they’ll fulfill 

All their promises they made

They say they’ll notice 

All the small things I do

They say they know

What I think what I say 

They say they’ll not judge 

No matter what I do 

They say they’ll do

And I hear them say they’ll do

And I believe that they’ll do

All the things they say

All the things they want me to believe 

All the things they want me to hear

And I hear them say they’ll do

Like a pigeon with closed eyes

And I believe that they’ll do

Like a fragile one should do..